Children may suffer the most during and after the divorce. They will think that Mommy and Daddy are separating because they did something wrong, even if that is not the case. That is why it is of an utmost importance to never fight in front of your children, and be mature about the whole situation. Communication is the key to successful co-parenting, so be gentle and considerate and help your child lead a better life.
Talk with your children about divorce
As soon as your decision about the divorce is final, you should inform your children about it. However, the talking never stops there. Your children need to know that neither one of you will ever abandon them physically or emotionally. Provide a safe environment for the discussion and tell them that it is okay to express their feelings, frustrations and shock. It is a long-term change in their lives and you will have to be prepared for numerous talks about the divorce, and many other questions. Additionally, if it is possible, you should both participate in such talks with your children, so that they can know they can rely on both of you.
Leave your ego at the door
It is obvious that you and your partner do not get along or even have negative feelings towards each other since you got divorced. However, you should never bring such attitudes and feelings into your home. Resist the urge of saying bad things about your partner to your child, because the child loves you both equally. It is okay to explain why the separation occurred, but be modest and never use negative words. Leave the divorce papers and other technicalities to the professionals, get it together and focus on the wellbeing of your child. Everyone has their ego involved in such situations, but you have to trust that your ex is also a devoted parent who would do anything for their child.
Be there for them
After the divorce, your children will need more time with both of you. This way, you can create a quality relationship and your children will feel safe. If it is not possible for all of you to hang out together, make sure that your partner gets equally enough time with the children. Apart from being physically present in their lives, your children will need the emotional support. Take interest in all aspects of their lives and involve in their daily routines. Let them know that they can rely on both of you whenever they feel lonely, happy, if they are in trouble or just need some company.
Never use children as a messenger
Remember to always keep your issues with your partner to yourself. If you use your child as a messenger to tell the other parent anything on your behalf, it involves the child in your conflicts and puts him in a stressful situation. The whole aim of co-parenting is to prevent such situations, and keep the child out of the issues hence protecting him. So, whenever you have something to say to each other, do it over the phone, email or meet up while the child is at school.
Let children be children
Children are innocent and they already have their own little problems at school or with friends. Even though these are seemingly silly, the child takes them seriously. Rather than exposing your children to additional stress and issues between the parents, shelter them from the struggles and let them be who they are. Provide a healthy childhood without any negative attitudes and mixed feelings.
Sources of co-parenting support
Seek any formal and informal support to help you work through your feelings and take care of your child. There are various therapeutic family mediations that can help you become a better parent and successfully cooperate with your ex when children are concerned. Additionally, turn to your family and friends, take their advice and help. Involve in co-parenting issues altogether and protect your children. You can even have a shoulder to cry on and express your feelings with your family, so you would avoid bringing negativity into the home.
If you are divorced with children you have to remember that not everything is about you. Dedicate most of your time to your children, and go through these tough times together. It is a life-changing event so, in order to protect your child, you should learn how to cooperate with your ex and resolve all the conflicts outside the house.
About the author
My name is Alex Williams, born and raised in beautiful Sydney. I am a journalism graduate, and a rookie blogger trying to find my luck. Blogs are the perfect opportunity for presenting yourself to wider audience, getting the chance to showcase my expertise and receiving recognition. I am a regular contributor at BizzMark Blog. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter.